The Identity Trap: Why Even “Positive” Labels Might Be Holding You Back

You’ve probably heard of limiting beliefs.
But have you ever considered that your positive self-image might also be in the way?

Let me explain with a story.

“I eat healthy.”

I was speaking with a woman who was struggling with weight around her middle... so common in midlife. I asked a few questions to see if I could help.

She cut me off:
“I eat healthy. I did a nutrition course when I was 20 and have eaten well ever since. That’s not the problem.”

I nodded politely,  but in truth, it was the problem.
Or more precisely: her identity was the problem.

She wasn’t lying. She ate lots of vegetables.
But her self-image the “I eat healthy” , closed her off to tiny shifts (like meal timing or protein or even looking at how sleep and stress levels affected her waistline) that could have helped. Her identity had decided: “This isn’t my issue.”

Aha moment.
Because I’ve done it too.

When being “the fit one” holds you back

For years I carried the identity of sporty and fit. In my teens and 20s I trained 20+ hours a week,  running, kayaking, basketball, biking... you name it I did it. 

Then life happened: babies, careers, travel, stress.

In my head? Still fit.
In reality? Lots of walking, some biking or hiking… but not moving consistently.

Because I felt fitter than most around me, I didn’t question it.

Reality without the emotion

When I finally looked at where I was,  no comparison, no drama, just truth,  I saw it clearly:

• My weight was up ~7 kg from where I felt my best.

• My energy was so low I could barely get through the day without wanting a nap.

• I couldn’t do 10 push-ups - telling myself it was just because my shoulder was 'sore'.

• If I hiked more than 90 minutes, my knee screamed and I needed three days off - walking less.

I was bumbling through life with a reality that didn’t match my identity.

It stung, but, it also set me free.

Instead of spiralling, I got curious:
What slipped? What’s missing? How do I rebuild a body that supports me in midlife? What consistent actions do I need to take to live up to my identity? 

I narrowed my focus to consistent strength training. To rewire the habit, I did 45 days of booked classes (F45),  a deliberate experiment. My aim was see how my body responded to strength training and to land on 3–4 strength sessions a week after that initial focus. 

A year on, I’m consistently in the gym 4x/week. Stregth was my start and because I kept asking what is missing? Being honest with my reality while being open to areas where I can improve my fitness - I now focus on longevity and the five fundamentals as we age: strength, cardio, mobility, stability, and power.

And I feel it:

• My joints don’t ache.

• My old knee injury doesn’t flare when I hike 90mins+ AND I can run (if I choose to)

• Hip pain: gone.

• I can do 40+ push-ups

• I’m stronger.

• My body feels like mine again and while I am 1kg off the weight I thought I felt my best at - I'm not focused on losing that extra 1kg, because my body feels amazing. 

Identity isn’t good or bad... it’s a lens

Our brain loves consistency. It nudges us to act in ways that match how we see ourselves. Helpful… until it isn’t.

If you see yourself as:

• “The healthy one”

• “The strong one”

• “The calm mum”

• “The fit gal” (the swimmer, the endurance runner etc etc)

…you’ll unconsciously filter out anything that threatens that identity, even if it could change your life.

Try this honest check-in

If this is landing with you and something feels off  energy, weight, inflammation, mood... try:

1. List your positive identities.
   Fit, healthy, patient, disciplined, curious…

2. Match actions to identity (last 7–30 days).
   What have you actually done that supports each one?

3. Find the gaps.
   Where is there room to grow?

4. Track reality for one week.
   Meals, movement, energy, mood, check in with your strength - no judgement, just data.

5. Choose one aligned action.
   Not who you were or wish you were ... who you’re becoming. Who you want to be in 5 - 10 years time. Start there.

The new belief

You’re not defined by who you used to be.
And you’re not stuck in the identity that got you here.

Midlife invites evolution.

You don’t need to burn down your identity... just soften it.

Make space for growth. Curiosity. Change.

Don’t be limited by who you think you are; be open to the learning that helps in what ever your goals / ares of concern happens to be.

You’re a work in progress.
That’s not weakness. That’s wisdom. That’s empowerment.

Let your actions catch up with your intentions, and let your identity reflect who you are becoming, not just who you’ve always been.

You’ve got this.

Wal